One Step Behind

I believe one of the greatest struggles for Christians today is to accept being one step behind. I've realized this myself recently; that God is always going to keep us chasing a dream that we can't accomplish without Him. That it will become natural for us to feel as if we are one step behind, and that we should embrace this concept. If we are able to succeed at everything God calls us to alone, we will begin to take the credit for what God is doing in our lives. He deserves all the glory for every talent and accomplishment He created or enabled. Lately I've felt a little discouraged about finances for Bosnia, and my major (pre-medicine). I've never been so stretched academically, it's strange to me that I have to trust God about my school work. The other night I was talking to my mom, and in all her wisdom, she reminded me that God is going to put me in tough places, not only to strengthen my faith, but so that He gets all of the glory for the work he is doing in my life. I constantly have to remind myself that as I pursue God's plan for my life, that the journey is going to be hard, but that this is good because then I'll never forget how small I am and how much I need God's grace to make it through each day. I absolutely can't wait for that moment when I first taste that ultimate dream to be a full-time missionary. Living a life of surrender is not at all about an experience, a feeling, or a prayer of surrender. True surrender begins each morning of every day that we wake up. It begins with a prayer every day saying "God today I die to myself, help me to surrender to the plan you have for me today." I hope that each day as I pray that, that I more effectively seek the kingdom, and that I become an empty vessel each day for God to use. When I say seek the kingdom, I mean attempt to see the world as God sees it, to let the things that break Christ's heart to break mine, and that the things that bring God joy will bring me joy. I think of the poem footprints, and not just that we must be broken to be carried by Christ, but we must be humbled. As long as we believe that we are able to accomplish great things in this life without God, we will never feel the overwhelming peace of being carried by Jesus. Mother Teresa said, "I'm a little pencil in the hand of a writing God, who is writing a love letter to the world." Wow. I try to grasp that idea, that Christians should be little pencils for God to use to show His love to the world, a love so wide and so deep, and far too complex for any one of us to comprehend, let alone demonstrate. And yet we surrender, we allow God to hold us in his hand and use us for his glory, to use us to reach the world. Frederick Buechner said, "The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." Job 11:7-9 says, "Can you fathom the mysteries of God? Can you probe the limits of the Almighty? They are higher than the heavens-- what can you do? They are deeper than the depths of the grave-- what can you know? Their measure is longer than the earth and wider than the sea." THIS is the God that we serve. "Whoever does not know love does not know God, because God is love." (1 John 4:8). THIS is the God we surrender to. "Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:19. THIS is the God we live for. He makes the impossible possible, and the impossible is only possible when we are totally humbled before our King.
That you would be humbled by the grace of Christ,
Amber

"It was then that I carried you."